nut-zo

I sit alone on the top floor of Chelsea Coffeehouse in Seabrook, Tx. Accompanied by old paintings, even older leather couches, and the sound of cheer from the 1st floor wine bar. It's a recent discovery of what has existed in my backyard for years, this is one of the best places I have ever had a cup of coffee.

This season is a bit weird for me. I just find much of the premise uncomfortable; perhaps it's my family and traditions or perhaps it's some unrest in my soul - either way, a certain awkwardness cannot be avoided. This is going to sound far more noble than it is, but please don't be deceived I am a wretch!! I would much rather give than receive. I can't stand getting gifts, they make me feel weird. This one time I went to England to work with some kids and it was out in the stix and I remember they thought we were famous because we were from Texas - long story short they wanted our autographs. I just had this sense of utter embarrassment and I can't explain why. All this to say, I feel the same way when I get a gift.

So I am in this coffee shop contemplating some items in Romans 6, especially towards the end where he starts talking about death and life, benefits and sucky things - this along side the sense of awkward described above. Paul goes on to throw out this idea of a gift, a free gift. One that I didn't earn. I know that if I look at my record or my cool shoes or my piles of cash (hardly) or my perfect yo-yo skills (I challenge you to a yo-yo show down - takers?) doesn't get me there. The outcome of this, or as it says what I derive, is eternal life. I can't comprehend that, but I am pretty sure it's rad the last time I checked.

So how do I accept gifts now? I find that accepting Gifts from God is much like getting a gift from my distant relative or a kid asking of an autograph in middle of nowhere England - I have an immediate knee jerk reaction to it. Who am I that you would do that? Hey kid there are like millions of us in Texas, why in the cheey hay do you want my autograph? Yo God, you are God - get the memo? I'm Roy and last time I checked I pretty much take care of me and just sit around - I didn't do much to deserve this gift that you have given me!?

something about me wants to earn everything or be entitled to it - but with grace neither are an option. it's hard for me, this season is a class room session in grace.