Sea Foam Threes and The Joys of Expiation

This week I decided that I have a neurological condition known as synesthesia. Perhaps I am wrong. It is likely that I will never find out. There is a long history of self-diagnoses in my family. When we Moores lock onto something, we rarely feel the need for confirmation or rebuttal from experts. In fact, after reading a few paragraphs we are usually quite certain that we ARE the experts! Perhaps you’re not as quirky as me. . .
By the way, synesthesia is a condition in which two unrelated sensations are coupled in a person’s mind (www.mit.edu/synesthesia). It takes many different forms. Often, people involuntarily see (or relate) certain colors to certain numbers, months, letters or words. There are various instances in my life. I always see the calendar in a circle, with varying shades of green for spring, blue for winter, yellow for summer and reddish orange for autumn. The calendar is counter-clockwise and spins to a specific date if I’m speaking about that date, (I thought you might need some detail to prove that I’m not making it up). A friend of mine relates personalities to numbers. He hated certain numbers while doing arithmetic as a child. I never even realized that it might be abnormal until recently.
The point of this blog is not really some obscure mental condition. There is a correlation in all our lives, I think. My point is that our minds are powerful and that our interactions with this world are not merely interactions with this world. Every morning you shower (hopefully). You step into the tub, turn the handles and adjust the temperature, until you have the perfect ratio for comfortability. We have this issue at our house with extremely hot water. It’s a little scary sometimes! It’s similar to my Grandmother’s old house. The water used to sporadically spurt from the faucet. It was so difficult to get it just right! It was always a little too hot. We lived with my “Grandmama” when I was in second grade. It was an odd period of my life when my family was moving back to West Virginia from the northern Virginia suburbs of D.C. Every morning as I adjust the temperature in the shower, I am in my grandmother’s tub. I see her house. I smell her house. I can almost hear her around the corner, just beyond the bathroom door, singing. Every morning, if the water is hot enough, I not only experience that, but also things from 20 years in the past. Every day, in a sort of “synesthetic” flash, I interact with myself as the awkward kid who didn’t get the jokes or the invitations; the kid who just wanted people to like him. Everyday. . .
I recognize that my imagination might be a bit more vivid than the Average Joe. But I’d wager that your story isn’t all that different from mine. I’ll bet that you not only confront traffic, bills, and coworkers everyday; but you also come face to face with little moments from your history every single day. Maybe they are funny moments, like hearing a loved one singing off key in the next room. Perhaps the moments are less pleasant and seem more like demons. Maybe every time you grab coffee or smile at a stranger something drags you down. For whatever reason, those are often the sorts of images that actually stick with us. All seems well, but in a moment you are brutally reminded of your extreme inadequacy because of a mistake or victimization.
I think those moments are likely all over all our lives. If not, it is merely because you have yet to be humbled. It will come. Praise God that it does! If it weren’t for these moments, I’m not sure that we would ever grow. See, I think God desires me to experience “Spiritual Synesthesia” (yes that is an awfully cheesy way to say it). I think he desires the interactions of my life to immediately conjure images of Christ Jesus, the cross and the mercy and grace given to me! He desires that my self-doubt be met with His power, and my foolishness with His wisdom. Yet, the Truth often flies far below my radar!
So I’m thankful that I encounter an almost paralyzing moment of self-doubt everyday. I’m thankful that I have to address difficulty everyday. I’m thankful that He allows my flashbacks and freak-outs in order that Christ Jesus might be the only one I can cling to, lean on, hope in, trust in and abide in. One day He will perfect and glorify me and the freak-outs will be over. Until that day, my involuntary memories and sensations must be met with the Truth, the Gospel, the good news that I belong to Him and He belongs to me. We will find that Truth by interacting with God, His word and His people. People of God, it is of the utmost importance that you preach the good news to one another. For no matter what hellish images you may involuntarily conjure throughout your day, this good news is the power of God and the fragrance of life to those who are being saved! Every disgusting deed of your existence was poured out onto Jesus, and it was crucified with Him, once for all. Only in this gospel do you find truth like this! Only in this gospel is there true motivation! Only in this gospel is there strength and power to confront the flashbacks and freak-outs. My friends let us trust only in this gospel!