I thought this quote was both provocative and helpful at the same time.
Many times, I'm not sure what anger looks like if it's not expressed with drama and angst, these thoughts from writer Nancy Groom are very helpful.
My anger against God doesn't feel like I thought it would.
I thought I'd feel deeprage and overwhelming desire to hurt Him.
Instead I find just a deep complaint, a nagging self pity, a free floating dissatisfaction with life and relationships, a quiet conviction that I deserve something better, a profound absence of genuine gratitude for God's gifts, a deep belief that I don't need aSavior (I've done quiet well at living this Christian life without much help from God or anyone else), and an appalling lack of love for or inner connectedness with God.
That angry arrogance shrounds my soul and I am helpless to remove it.
I cannot will it away or or learn one more thing that will dissolve it. If God does not break in, I am undone
I can only beg for grace.... and at the same time wonder whether I evern want or need it.
How profound my rage must be! Deep within is a core of hardness and self-sufficiency, an inner stronghold of resistance to grace that frustrates me as surely as it must grieve the Father.
Whatever it is, I love it's safety more than I want God right now.
-Nancy Groom
I'd love to get your feedback on this quote
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2 comments:
Thanks for sharing this quote!! It’s always such a sweet reminder of God’s faithfulness when someone else puts into words how we’re feeling. I love how the Lord surprises us by what/whom He uses to point out the root of whatever it is I’m struggling with… and so often it boils down to being angry at God. Seeing my heart resonate with these words and Christ come meet me where I am (yet again!) was pivotal for me this week. Thanks Matt!
I thought about this today while I was sitting in traffic. I was sitting behind this car/driver who seemed to be watching the grass grow and I felt that "feeling" start to bubble up in me like a pot of hot water! You know, that "angry-I-hate-atlanta-traffic" feeling. So what did I do? I did something--I stepped on the gas, gave them a look, and passed them.
As I was passing them I thought to myself, getting stuck behind cars/drivers who arent doing what i want them to do evokes that anger emotion in me quicker than most anything else i can think of. And more than just associating that "feeling" or emotion that bubbles up, it was the actions to grumble against the other car, step on the gas and actually pass it that made me think a little bit deeper about this quote. It kindof put legs to what she says and made me think how my "anger" towards God isnt just about feeling this firey, steam coming out of my ears emotion, but that its really expressed, and i guess, made apparent to exist, in and thru my actions. I dont often think myself to be "angry" with God in the sense that I feel this or that sense of rage towards Him, but if I look at my actions, they quite often show Him that i strongly disagree with or am dissatisfied with Him and the place where He sees fit for me to be sitting. "No Lord, this line isn't moving fast enough for me, this situation or relationship is not what i want, not what makes me comfortable...I'm going to press on the gas and go..."
I think provocative is a good word to describe the things she says about anger. It def provokes me to examine my heart and find some things present in me that resemble what she describes. yuck to that, but haleluiah to the grace that follows, forgives and frees...
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