The War At Home

How often do you feel frustrated? How often do you feel alone? How often do you feel that no matter how hard you try, it just isn't good enough? My guess is that it is very frequent. Obviously, there's no way for me to know who is reading this. So I'm certainly not an expert on the details of your life. But the more I live and the more I see, the more I am confident that no one is really all that confident. Did that make sense?

Now think about this- if we were friends (and there's a good chance that we are, if you're reading this,) how often would I know that you felt frustrated, alone, or useless? Once or twice a month? Isn't that probably a liberal guess? There is hardly a day that passes that I don't feel some measure or mixture of all that. Even if I assume that I am on the extreme unstable end of the emotional spectrum (which I am not,) that means you are encountering these feelings with great frequency also. So, why the disconnect? Why would I only know once or twice a month, if that often? There is something wrong here.

I hate being redundant. I hate having to say that I'm struggling with the same lunacy that I was yesterday, last week, last summer, or five years ago. I hate that feeling of not making progress. It's a lot easier to conjure a smile and say, "Oh everything's going pretty well!" Liar. I can feel my heart jumping up into my throat, trying to scream out to the enquiring friend, "He's a liar! Give him a hug!" Haha

I have this "depth chart" in my head, so to speak. We usually stay in the boat, and don't offer each other anything. Maybe we'll skim the surface and do a little God talk. If we're jiving we'll go to another level and trade life stories. That's about the point that we feel like relational scuba experts. We really know how to "go deep!" But it's only then that we really even get to know each other. Maybe a guy offers up that he's struggling with lust or anger at his d-group. Maybe a girl tells her closest friends that she's struggled with her image, or materialism. And most of us will never even care to look any further down. The deeper you get, the darker it gets. It's just a lot easier to say, "I'm struggling with 'x'," than to really talk about what's going on.

Why are you struggling? (And I guarantee you're struggling.) You might fool everyone. You might even fool yourself, but you are in a life-long battle with the same old thing. So, here's the deal. It's time to stop hiding. Start in your d-groups. Start with people you trust. Forget your image. Let out the ugly truth. If we are to be the community that we talk about, it starts here. This IS The Gathering DNA. But let's be honest, it sure doesn't look that way right now. I understand that none of us wants to be the burdensome friend, who is always depressed and angst ridden. But if we cannot own up to the real war and angst that we have inside, we won't really be friends at all, much less brothers or sisters.

I believe we are in a critical moment. Are we a movement or a social clique? Are we THE CHURCH or a Sunday school class? Though, we have articulated our vision, we have not yet decided to go there. It starts by plumbing the dark recesses of your ugly soul and laying it out there. Be assured that your Lord already sees it and is not surprised. He may have even ordained some relationships to help shoulder the weight. Seek Him. Seek each other. Stumble on. Struggle on.