Naked

I got "Asked" this week to blog. Actually, I got "Told" to blog. The difference between the two is slight, but unmistakable. One suggests, the other commands.

Why was I "told" to blog? Because part of my role in the Gathering is to blog, and the first time I was asked to blog, I didn't do it. The second time I was asked, and I still didn't get around to it. So this week, I was told, and viola- I am blogging.

Why, you might ask, is this such a chore to me? For a lot of you reading this, you might love to blog. "Blogging isn't a duty, it's a delight", you say. So for you, the idea that someone would be told to blog is hard to imagine.

I realize that I am a bit different when it comes to blogging, but for me, blogging feels a lot like standing naked before a crowd of thousands of total strangers. Blogging, like standing naked in front of a crowd of strangers, takes what is known only to a few (maybe even just yourself), and putting it on stage for thousands to see. I guess when I think of blogging, I think of journaling. Like telling the world why I am depressed about being single, or why I am depressed
about being in a relationship (neither of which is true for me). Just the idea that someone would tell me to be vulnerable feels like a violation of my basic inalienable rights granted to me in the constitution. Call it 'my freedom not to be free' if you will.

Some of you might say I am being a bit extreme. Like, "Mike, blogging is a tool to remain connected to friends, to share ideas on life, to…waste time at work." But for me, blogging is so strange, so unfamiliar, so like being naked.

But you know what? After doing it, I kind of like it. Part of me likes it because I think what I am writing is actually interesting, and another part of me likes it because I think I need to be a bit more naked. I need to realize that what God is doing in my life, whether I think it is worthwhile or not, needs to be shared; That just because something is personal doesn't mean I need keep it private.

I wonder sometimes why we aren't this way in person? Why does it take a blog to share life? I'm not trying to down the blogging thing, but what would it look like if we were personal in person?

I think this is the community of people Jesus wants to create- Those who share the sacred parts of life, just as they are, and are better as a result of it. Oh the bliss and fear all wrapped into one!!

Naked for Our benefit
Mike

Dear Gathering Leadership Team,
I hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving. If you are anything like me, you may have an easier time beating yourself up than receiving forgiveness.

Isn't it hard to resist the temptation to atone for sin ourselves rather than to receive the grace of God.
I believe the key to getting 'unstuck' in so many of the ruts we find ourselves in is to re-discover how long and high and wide and deep is God's love for us

In Christ.

Here is a quote to remind you:

And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.

--1 Corinthians 6:11

I do not know all of the Savior's reasons for choosing the woman at the well. I know that His revelation of Himself to her constituted an everlasting rebuke to human self-righteousness. I know that every smug woman who walks down the street in pride and status ought to be ashamed of herself. I know that every self-righteous man who looks into his mirror each morning to shave what he believes to be an honest face ought to be ashamed of himself....

Jesus was able to see potential in the woman at the well that we could never have sensed. What a gracious thing for us that Jesus Christ never thinks about what we have been! He always thinks about what we are going to be. You and I are slaves to time and space and records and reputations and publicity and the past-all that we call the case history. Jesus Christ cares absolutely nothing about anyone's moral case history. He forgives it and starts from there as though the person had been born one minute before.

AW Tozer, Faith Beyond Reason, 103-104.

Am I angry?

Chrissy looked at me from across the couch. My eyes were fixed on the television screen watching a meaningless re-run of two nameless Czechoslovakians playing tennis or something like that. "Are you mad?" she asked. NO. Are you sure? YES. My eyes never moved from the television screen. My lack of further comment confirmed her suspicions that the answer I gave was less than genuine. It actually surprised me as well. Was I mad? I'm not even sure I knew what the problem was. Was it the fact that she had been in task mode when I wanted her in snuggle mode? Was it that she forgot to enter a couple of debit card purchases in the check book and we overspent? Was it just that my day wasn't what I'd wanted it to be and she was a close and convenient person to take it out on.

I find that my anger towards God is a lot like the story I just shared. It's not the angst-ridden, scream-at-the-top-of-my-lungs emotional eruption. It’s usually far more subtle, and, correspondingly, far more dangerous.

Francis Schaffer writes that a lack of thanksgiving is the root of all of my sin. I think he may have been on to something.

I can readily identify with the (lengthy) quote below. Are you angry with God? Allow the quote to search your heart.

Blessings,

Matt Ballard



“My anger against God doesn’t feel like I thought it would.
I thought I’d feel deep rage and an overwhelming desire to hurt Him. Instead I find just a deep complaint, a nagging self-pity, a free-floating dissatisfaction with life and relationships, a quiet conviction that I deserve something better, a profound absence of genuine gratitude for God’s gifts, a deep belief that I don’t need a Savior (I’ve done quite well at living the Christian life without much help from God or anyone else), and an appalling lack of love for or inner connectedness with God.

That angry arrogance shrouds my soul and I am helpless to remove it. I cannot will it away or learn one more thing that will dissolve it. If God does not break in, I am undone.
I can only ask-petition-beg for grace…and at the same time wonder whether I even want or need it.

How profound my rage must be! Deep within is a core of hardness and self-sufficiency, an inner stronghold of resistance to grace that frustrates me as surely as it must grieve the Father. Whatever it is, I love it’s safety more than I want God right now.”
Journal Excerpt from Nancy Groom- Author of Heart to Heart